DO YOU SUFFER FROM THE “GOOD DAUGHTER” SYNDROME?

You have suffered a set back or disappointment and you think about telling your mom. Her response will probably be somewhere along the lines of...

Conflicted and Guilty. You probably should want to spend more time with her, but doing so makes you feel bad.

Genuinely comforting. Mom reminds you of the times when you have overcome struggle and helps you put the hard times into perspective. After talking with her you come away feeling stronger and better about yourself.

She makes an attempt at supporting you but there is an "I told you so” that is either stated outright or implied. You come away from the conversation feeling more unsure of yourself and exhausted from all the questions.

Mixed. She might hear you but at the same time you fear that she will over-react.

Correct!

Wrong!

When you let mom know in a tactful way that she has done something that hurt you. In response she...

Is a bit defensive at first but in the end really listens to you and is careful to adjust her behavior.

Makes you feel like a bad person for ever bringing it up.

Starts World War III but you basically don’t care, you’ve had your say and that is what counts.

It would hurt her too much so you swallow it and don’t bring it up.

Correct!

Wrong!

Overall you feel...

That deep down mom doesn’t understand you and never will.

Like mom accepts and loves you no matter what even if she doesn’t always agree with you.

You wish it weren’t so much of a struggle much of the time. You love each other but wish you could share more with her without getting her upset.

Like mom loves you but is always wanting to fix you or make you better somehow.

Correct!

Wrong!

After a visit with mom you come away feeling...

Conflicted and Guilty. You probably should want to spend more time with her, but doing so makes you feel bad.

Mixed. You like visiting but wish you didn’t have to guard what you say.

Like getting a drink or starting an argument. You swear you won’t do that again.

Recharged. It is good to spend time with the one person who loves you no matter what.

Correct!

Wrong!

You have a big decision to make. You call up mom to run it by her. In response, she...

Appears to listen but… there is the undercurrent or subtext that she knows best and is leading you to the “right” answer.

Listens carefully and helps you to weigh your options.

Takes it over and tells you what you should do.

You wouldn’t ask her in the first place. You’d never give her that much power over you.

Correct!

Wrong!

Mother’s Day is coming up and you are looking for a card. You only find really sappy ones...

You genuinely appreciate what she does for you but feel pressured to get something that is over the top.

You want to buy them all-you feel so eager to show her your love.

You wish you didn’t have to get anything but end up doing so to keep from feeling like a bad daughter.

You blow it off and tell yourself it is ridiculous holiday anyway.

Correct!

Wrong!

You have just gotten in an argument with your husband/boyfriend/partner. You recount the interaction with your mother. She responds by...

Seems to listens but you get the feeling she has a predetermined idea about who is at fault.

Listening supportively and empathizes with you without judgement.

You don’t really care what she has to say. She can’t get to you anymore because you’ve tuned her out.

Using it as a platform to lecture you or drive home a point.

Correct!

Wrong!

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