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Mother/Daughter Relationship Problems

The lie that drove everything.

Despite advances in women’s lives, your mother was lied to by her culture.

The lie was that women are not worthy.

Your mother learned from living in a patriarchal culture that she was not good enough and her female power was dangerous.

Men throughout the ages have been threatened by the mystery of the feminine at the same time they have a longing for it. Because of its power, women have been burned at the stake, put down and controlled… well, forever in various ways.

Mom was taught that the feminine power of receptivity, nurturing and alliance are traits of weakness, not strength.

To level the playing field and get along in a man’s world, women learned how to act like men. They adopted the male version of power.

Because it was and is mimicry, women have felt something missing.

They have carried a sense of not quite getting it right.

They have felt deeply conflicted. Ironically they have taken out their woundedness on the most vulnerable and tender of charges, their daughters.

Most of this is passed down at the unconscious level. It is out of awareness. They have in fact been under a spell, an unconscious spell at that.

Let me “spell” this one out for you. We don’t have to look further than the mixed message to see how the “spell” is cast.

 Did mom say one thing but mean another?

Or did her mixed message wipe out the support the original message offered?

Does any of the following sound familiar? 

“ Yes, of course, you look lovely, but wonder if that dress comes in a bigger size.”

 “I AM so proud you made partner-I just wish you didn’t have to work all those long hours and leave the kids with a sitter.”

“I’m SO glad you are trying to eat healthily,  but start your diet after you have some of that cake I made just for you.

 Is THAT what all the girls are wearing these days? Of course, you always look beautiful to me but do you think its such a good idea to wear knits before you lose the baby weight,?

 And by ALL means, don’t worry about me I’ll be just fine… here… by myself… all alone ….all day,

Can you say double speak, subtext, HELLO mixed message!!!!

Mom is so conflicted herself, she just can’t help herself.

As a psychotherapist, for 30 years I have seen women struggling with mother/daughter issues.

It is the elephant in the room, underlying many relationships, self-esteem and parenting issues.

Mom wasn’t allowed to be whole, to be real, so she felt unworthy. She passed this feeling onto her daughter.

Many times not meaning to.

Unless the spell is broken, daughters will continue to suffer and the lie will go unchallenged.

Yet, if the spell is “dis-spelled” women can claim their lives for themselves and take back the true power of their feminine essence.

Are you ready to break through the hidden barriers that have kept women down for so many years?

The barriers that result in shame, guilt and self-doubt?

If so, let’s talk. It’s time.