gustav-klimt-painting2( Getting Over A Breakup- Help From A Raleigh Therapist )

First Aid for the Broken Heart: Counseling

So he/she said he just wasn’t that into you? Or he/she has another? Or he/she just plain said something that was so hurtful you need to move on.

Remember you can’t force someone to have feelings they don’t, but what you do with those feelings IS under your control. Can you accept what is real and move on?

Relationship Breakup Counseling: Serving Raleigh, NC

No matter how heartbroken how devastated you feel,  you will live to see another day. This is the truth.

I know at this moment you don’t believe me but it is true.  Try now take one breath without crying. That’s right… one deep belly breath and hold it! Hold it and tense up for 10 seconds then let it all out.

Feel the tension in your body release. Feel your body do a very natural important thing. It wants to self-restore. It Wants to feel better. Appreciate your bodies wisdom. If you need to cry, sob exaggerate those feelings. Double over…. howl. Start deep in your gut and let the cry move through you. Let it cleanse you and wash over you. You may feel foolish ..who cares. You are actualizing the healing potential of your bodies wisdom.

Things that block moving on: 

  1.   Holding on to thoughts to jealousy to the “what ifs” is the minds futile way of not taking the loss.  It doesn’t work and gives you more to untangle from.
  2. If you see your friend’s eyes glaze over when you bring up him or her that is a sign. If you spend a lot of your time thinking about him/her-not enjoying him/her but analyzing what everything means… that too is a way of holding on to something that is already gone.  I know that one is a hard pill to swallow.
  3. The more time and emotion you give a relationship, the harder it will be to break the cycle of involvement. Certainly, some relationships are worth a second and a third chance! But, my friend when the writing is on the wall then it is time to pack it in take the lesson and move on.

Things the help moving on:

  1. After being REAL with yourself – be kind to yourself So here ya go. The first thing is to tell your support group. And here is how. Don’t dwell too much on the vitriol. Ok, you get one really angry rant…. but that’s it. What you need here are people who knew you and loved you before the RELATIONSHIP. Yes, that’s important. You need to be reminded you were you before and the fact that you will go on.
  2. Ask your friends to remind you of your good qualities. Laugh about some old times. Belly laughs are the best. You get the wonderful feeling back that you are in fact lovable. Particularly after you have been so hyper-focused on your desirability/lack thereof and flaws.
  3. Get physical. That’s right-just when you feel like curling up into a ball move. Moving on and moving are allies. Do something that makes you sweat. And if you can do it with a friend who loves you then all the better.
  4. Take a note here to be careful and nurture those relationships even during times of heavy in-love …..”only have eyes for you” times. You might (read probably will need the gang again). Keep it all in balance.
  5. Next up are the associations. Get some new tunes. Your brain needs new stimulus. If you listen to the songs you heard when you all were together-it just strengthens the relationships in your mind.
  6. Hop on over to Itunes and see what strikes your fancy. Create a new playlist.
  7. And for goodness sake change the ringtone that was his/her number. Again we want to break associations.

Now go through your closet and get rid of what doesn’t fit. Change up the pictures on your wall and try out that new hairstyle your been meaning to try. If you garden, plant something or take better care of what has been planted. And weed weed weed. Remind yourself that life goes on.

Before you know it you will laugh and yes, even love again. Not the same as before, but better. If you’d like to continue the conversation, – contact me here.