The Secret To Making a Step-Family Work- Help From a Raleigh Therapist
P.S.: Unfortunately, good intentions are not enough.
SO you’ve gone through the pain of DIVORCE and met the partner of your dreams…and on the way to happily ever after you brought the kids together and that happiness totally took a back seat. Yes….buzz kill. Bring on the guilt!
Let’s face it ……if you aren’t doing right by your children in this new configuration it just isn’t going to work. You can’t be happy at your kid’s expense. You just can’t. You just wish you didn’t feel so torn.
Or your new partner is the one with the kids and well you love it that your new partner is such a thoughtful parent but this new role as a stepparent is so much harder than you thought. It is enough to make you rethink the whole thing.
There just has to be a better way.
There is a better way if you are willing to put yourself in the children’s shoes. It will be difficult, but the work you do up front will pay off in dividends and without it, nothing else will work. The biggest mistake most stepparents make is thinking that your good intentions are all you will need.
In order to begin to build a stepfamily that will thrive, you need to understand where the children are coming from. This understanding will also help you by explaining things that might otherwise be unbearably hurtful.
Therapy for Parents/Step Parents After a Divorce
Children understandably have attachment and investment in what was. How could it be any different? It is the context and backdrop of everything they know thus far. After a divorce, they hold onto what they have known. It is part of their very identity. It is who they know themselves to be.
Except for the extreme cases of abuse or discord children don’t evaluate their parent’s relationship and can’t rationally evaluate the new relationship they find their parents in to be better.
The good news is that you have time on your side. If you make room for all the feelings of loss and loyalty and don’t merely push them aside, children will adapt and you will be building new memories before you know it.
There will be a new normal and a new us. It is directly proportional to how successfully you made room for the old us. It is quite possibly the hardest work you ever do but if you truly get this right all the rest will be a piece of cake.
If I can be of any help, please don’t hesitate to contact me
! If you are not in the Raleigh area, we also offer counseling sessions over the phone or video conference.