Let’s get real for a moment sisters. Women have been burned, owned and controlled, for a very long time.

We know, as women, this oppression figures prominently in our collective history. What we might fully realize is how the mistreatment of women has taken a psychological toll on our mothers.

This unfair oppression has generated a narcissistic defense in many women and thus in many mothers.

That is, they are psychologically driven to use indirect means to get their need met at the expense of their daughters. 

While not all mothers have full blown NPD, many have Narcissistic defensive traits. 


Taking recent national events into consideration … we are confronted with the reality that daughters of today may not realize is how misogyny is still very much alive today.

Surprisingly, many young women today say they don’t need women’s lib. They feel it is uncool, not feminine and some even feel it is unnecessary.

Many of those same grown daughters exhaust themselves as they take on the lion’s share all of the household chores and hold themselves responsible for childcare arrangements while taking their place beside men in the workplace.

They remain unaware they are living out their mother’s feelings of unworthiness by over functioning. 

If the sins of the father are visited upon the son, it is surely the lies of the mother that are visited upon the daughter.

Let me spell this out-

Despite advances in women’s lives, your mother was lied to in two different ways.

The first lie was that women are not worthy. Your mother learned from living in a patriarchal culture that she was not good enough, worthy or a valuable as the men.

Yet, men throughout the ages have been threatened by the mystery for the feminine and at the same time, they have longed for it.

Because they have been very threatened by the female power they have sought to control it. 

Because of this, your mother was taught she was a second class citizen. From the first lie follows the second; the only real power is male power. Power over, control and domination.

The fundamental lie is that feminine power of receptivity, nurturing and alliance are traits of weakness, not strength. To level the playing field and get along in a man’s world women learned how to act like men.

She adopted the male version of power. Because it was and is mimicry, women have felt something missing. They have carried a sense of not quite getting it right.

Most damaged of all is the Narcissistic mother. Her wounds are so deep she will take out her lack of self-worth on her daughter.

I would add, most of this intergenerational wounding is handed down at the unconscious level. Because it is unconscious, it is out of conscious awareness and thus insidious.

If you are the daughter of the Narcissistic Mother, you carry this pain into your life.   

As a counselor to women for 30 years, I see you in my psychotherapy practice.

Let me tell you what I see-

You don’t value yourself. Still are a servant to your beautiful children, you don’t know that your goddess-given powers of nurturing are enough. You can’t ever rest.

You are always outrunning a sense of “not good enough”. 

You still can’t stand up your mother. And you still settle for so much less that you should from the men in your lives.

It is time to stop the madness, claim your worth and break the cycle of maternal narcissism for yourself and your daughter.

Your mother’s way is not good enough for you and it won’t be good enough for your daughters. We have important work to do to bring back the value of the feminine.

We are women and we can do this.

This article originally appeared on http://daughtersrising.info Katherine’s sister site.